What We Leave in Our Wake

I am currently reading a book by Dr. Henry Cloud, entitled: Integrity: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality. In the book, he compares the behavior of leaders to that of a boat, saying:

"You can tell a lot about a boat as you look at its wake...if it is in a straight line, you get the feeling that the boat is on course. But if it is wavering, you begin to wonder...There are always two sides to the wake that a leader or someone else leaves when moving through our lives or the life of an organization. The two sides of the wake are the task and the relationships (with others)...and the wake doesn't lie and it doesn't care about excuses. It is what it is...so we must look out over the transom (of the boat) and ask ourselves, 'What does our wake look like? Is it straight or is it wavering?"

For the most part, I think the results of our "task wake" are fairly obvious. We either hit our mark or we don't. We either achieve the goal or we miss it. The measures are in place that help us to know how well we perform in the task oriented portion of our job description. But what about the second piece of the picture: The relationship aspect? Well, the results of our "relationship wake" are also fairly obvious to everyone, with the noted exception of our selves. While we tend to remain blind to those we leave in our wake, those around us are seldom under such delusions. To them, it is all too obvious when we begin to waver.

In the book, Dr. Cloud asks a series of questions to help us identify and measure our performance in relation to our "relationship wake". He asks,

"...would others say that their experience with us has left them better off for our having 'moved through their lives' or would they say it has left them worse off? What is the nature of the wake? Are they (those who interact with us) smiling or reeling?"

He goes on to include such questions as:

• Are people more trusting after working with you?
• Have they grown as a result of being associated with you?
• Do they learn from you and feel lifted up and encouraged?
• Are they stretched and inspired to become more than they were before they worked with you?
• Do they feel fortunate to be associated with you?

Or...

• Are they wounded by you?
• Are they less trusting now that they know you?
• Do they feel cheated, put down or manipulated by you?
• Do they feel disappointed, let down or lied to by you?
• Do they feel inferior because of the way you interact with them?
• Do they want to work with you again?

Someone very wise once said, "Speak when you are angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret." I believe that applies not just to speech, but to all of our interactions made in haste and without forethought. If anything we do is worth doing, it is worth doing with care (i.e., avoiding harm or danger to oneself or others).


Our roles as leaders and managers requires a great deal more from us than technical proficiency. So take a few minutes today to examine yourself and your relationships with those you are charged with leading. What are you leaving in your wake?