What To Do When Someone Won't Wear Their Shoes

Sometimes, as coaches, we think that it is our job to herd people in the direction that we want them to go by using our arsenal of good advice. We assume that they are not experiencing success because they either don't know how to perform or are unwilling to change. We rush in to fix the problem and set the person back on "the right path". (warning: ego spoiler)...frankly, that is arrogance on our part.

You see, the only way to know what is holding someone back from achieving a goal is to take the time to listen to her. You might be surprised at what you find out. For example,

One day, when my daughter was very young, I announced that we were going to take a walk. I pulled her shoes from the closet and slipped them on her feet, then scooped her up and headed for the door. She immediately began to squirm and struggle to get down. I scolded her for being uncooperative, but she only began to cry and struggle even more furiously to get down. Annoyed, I firmly sat her on the couch and and in a stern voice told her that her behavior was inappropriate and that sometimes she had to do things she didn't want to do. She just cried harder and kicked her feet. Finally, in exasperation, I asked her what was so bad about going to the park for a walk. She replied, "'I'll have to wear these shoes!" And with that pronouncement, she pulled the little shoe from her foot. Out hopped a cricket.

So, there is the moral of the story. When you can't get someone to move toward a goal you have set for them, don't assume it is because they are being obstinate. Instead, take the time to listen to what they are saying (you can't do that if you came prepared to do all the talking).They may not have anything at all against the goal itself, they may simply have a cricket in their shoe. If you get rid of the cricket, the rest may be a "walk in the park".